travel baseball team, or making your school’s premier jazz band, and you hurry home to tell your parents, you are so excited as you share this fantastic news and they just say "That’s nice," like it is just another accomplishment. This is how hard it can feel when you have a brother with autism, and your parents can be so tired and distracted. I can’t always play with my brother, Will, the way other families do. I have to modify all the activities. To play catch he might only be able to hang in there for one or two throws, and he might have to take a break in-between throws. There is no brother-like competing. Will can’t play baseball, basketball, go biking, play football, or any other sports like I do. I have to look out for him a lot more. Don’t get me wrong, I’m proud to look out for my brother. But I wish that sometimes we could interact like other siblings do, and that it wasn’ t so much work. Almost everyday there are therapists in my house teaching Will. The therapists are fun to be around and are kind to me. They are here so often and are so nice to me they sometimes feel like family. The therapists work Will hard, and he can get frustrated. It was irritating, when Will was younger, to hear him cry or yell so often. But they also do neat things with Will like roller blading, swimming and taking him to the movies. Sometimes I interact with Will using the same style they are using, but this also keeps my life less private. When they work with Will, they use the whole house. I don’t have a problem with that because the therapy is for Will’s sake, but sometimes I get tired of having so little privacy. Occasionally I go out with one or both of my parents while a therapist is working with my brother. Both my parents work to pay for all the things I need and all the therapies Will needs. It is very expensive. Most week days my mom gets home from work around the same time I do. Some days, though, I get home first and that means I have to get Will off of the bus and take care of him until she gets home. My dad works 3 jobs and is usually home after 10:00 P.M on the weeknights. This sometimes makes it difficult to spend time with him or time as a whole family. With my mom having really bad back problems lately, sometimes she can’t help Will, so I’ve helped take care of Will for a few hours every few nights. This means that I have less time for homework, and I don’t have the free time that I would usually have. Without the free time, I get more stressed out. Just talking with my family can be a challenge. At the dinner table it is hard to talk to Will because he can’t talk, so he ends up out of the conversation, and then he leaves the table because he isn’t being talked to. It is just so hard to talk to someone when they can’t talk back, even with all his augmentative communication devices. Even though we have all these augmentative communication devices to help my brother interact, dinnertime seems to be very hard for all of us. Talking with each of my parents can be just as hard for other reasons. Will needs help to use his fork and spoon, and he’s learning to eat what’s on his plate, not other’s. So my mom or dad can be so busy helping Will, and so distracted, I feel like they don’t hear what I am saying at times. With all of this going on, I find it hard for me to show or tell my feelings because my parents don’t really have free time without sacrificing something else. I feel that the other thing is usually more important, so I just hold them in, at times. One of the things I have to endure is the staring or funny looks we get when we are out in public. When Will makes different sounds, or when he claps, they are to allow him to retreat into his own little world where he knows it is safe for him. He usually does this when something new happens, or when he is asked to do something different from the normal day. I wish people understood autism and would be more considerate of us. There are other things that are nice and sometimes easy about having a sibling with special needs. Will tries to interact with me in his own special way, and I love that. We like to wrestle and watch movies together. I know he likes my attention, the way he smiles, laughs and looks at me when I play with him. I’m learning a lot from Will everyday, and that is helping to make me a better person. It is definitely not what I would’ve wished for, but it’s not so bad. It is always a great feeling when Will is happy. It is just so rewarding when Will puts a smile on his face. He is always happy when he is included or when he is paid attention to. |
| Siblings - Their Importance |
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ideas to share between parents and siblings. That would help siblings communicate better with parents because sometimes it is hard to talk about the things, and siblings sometimes have ideas suggestions about how to make it easier on the family. This helps the sibling not feel uncomfortable about saying confidential things in front of the sibling with autism. • Parents be happy and look on the bright side of things. It is all about the little joys in the day. Other people have their worries and we will have ours, but just try to be happy. • Parents, talk to your relatives and close friends about how to talk to, engage and interact with the child with autism in your family. This will help the child with autism feel more included, and it will give the siblings less responsibility and more time having fun just being a kid. Let them do their own thing, and give them some room to socialize freely. • Have a sibling night, where the whole family does what that sibling wants to do. If they just want to relax at home, or go out for ice cream, do what they want to do. Make time for them so that they can feel special, and in control of some things. Siblings get so used to their needs taking a back seat, they don’t always truthfully express their needs and wants. • Give the sibling responsibility, but as equal to their age as possible. Don’t make them like another parent. That is the last thing they want. Give them space for friends and a personal life. • Keep a balanced perspective. Just because you don’t always have time to talk with the sibling like you would like to, don’t make them talk about things that they don’t want to. But feel free to ask your child how much they want to talk about a topic. |
| Tips to Help Parents Help the Siblings |
Recommended Books for Siblings
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